What is Emotional Neglect?

Emotional neglect is often an inner torment of not being noticed. It’s about what didn’t happen for you. It can go unnoticed. Information about emotional neglect can be very validating later in life. There are ways to feel from emotional neglect and therapy can help that process.

What is Emotional Neglect?

Emotional Neglect is not about what happened to you but what did not happen. It is about your parents or caregivers not adequately responding to your emotional needs. This can happen from a parent having unrealistically high expectations and not listening attentively to invalidating a child’s emotional experiences to the point she/he feels self-doubt. Most of the time, it is not intentional. There are a lot of parents who do not adequately respond to their children’s emotional needs because their parents did not respond to their needs, trauma got in the way of their emotional development, or they got too busy or exhausted to be able to respond adequately to their children’s emotional needs.

In emotional neglect, children learn that their feelings are not important. With childhood emotional neglect the Amygdala (part of the brain that has a primary role in memory processing, decision making, and emotional responses) becomes bigger and more reactive. Emotional neglectful families often look normal, but members of the family may not receive the aspects of family that allow children to develop properly.

Signs and Symptoms of Emotional Neglect:

Depression
Anxiety
Insecure-avoidant or disorganized attachment patterns
Failure to thrive; poor academic performance
Aggression
Low self-esteem, low self-compassion
Apathy
Hyperactivity; disruptive & impulsive behaviour
Developmental delays
Substance misuse and risky behaviour; suicide attempts
Withdrawing from friends and family; anger towards parent; negativity during parent-child interactions
Appearing uncaring or indifferent
Shunning emotional closeness or intimacy; poor peer relationships and the avoidance of interaction with other children; significantly less positive social interaction
Self-blame, shame, humiliation, feelings of worthlessness
Less emotional knowledge; difficulty recognizing angry faces

Photo by Simon Hurry on Unsplash

Effects of Childhood Neglect in Adulthood:

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Emotional unavailability, numbing out, or being cut off from one’s feelings; difficulty identifying or expressing feelings
Shunning intimacy
Depression
Feeling empty or hollow inside
Poor self-discipline
Anger and aggressive behaviours towards self or others
Difficulty trusting others or relying upon anyone else; trouble asking for help or support
Feeling deeply, personally flawed; hiding behind a mask; disconnected from self
Guilt and shame; easily embarrassed
Feeling like there’s something missing, but not sure what it is
Easily overwhelmed or discouraged; frequent feelings of worry, excessive fears, and dissatisfaction
Perfectionism with acute sensitivity to feelings of failure
Pronounced sensitivity to rejection
Lack of clarity regarding others’ expectations and your own expectations for yourself
Feel the need to people please
Lack of ability to empathize
Blame, judgmental, and critical towards self or others

Please note that the effects of emotional neglect can range from mild to severe and you might only have some of the previously noted effects and symptoms.

How a Therapist can Help You Recover from Emotional Neglect

Working on emotional intelligence
Identifying your needs and providing ideas and skills to help you meet them.
Helping you learn skills and techniques that help you challenge the thoughts and beliefs that are holding you back.
Encouraging you to be gentle with yourself through the process and normalizing the struggles
Encouraging you to believe that you are a unique, beautiful person but you just cannot feel it because you have either not learned to connect with that part of you or you have not had that belief instilled in you.

More Emotional Neglect Information

Dr. Jonice Webb – Running on Empty

Running on Empty is a good book for describing how emotional neglect happens and what it is like. It can be a very validating book for people who have been emotionally neglected in childhood.