How Childhood Emotional Neglect Can Interfere with Your Relationship with God

Childhood emotional neglect has many consequences that leave you with struggles long into adulthood. One of the areas that can be affected is your ability to form close relationships, including that with God. This doesn’t mean that you can’t get a close relationship with God, it just means that often some healing and extra work is needed to achieve it. Healing is possible.

What is Childhood Emotional Neglect?

Childhood emotional neglect is a subtle form of trauma where parents or caregivers consistently fail to respond to a child’s emotional needs. This can result in the child feeling unseen and that their feelings are unimportant. It can result in long-lasting struggles with self-worth, trust, emotional regulation and self-identity.

Childhood emotional neglect may involve dismissing or ignoring a child’s feelings, a lack of emotional connection, invalidation, or unrealistic expectations (e.g., expecting a child to be strong or self-sufficient).

Some of the adulthood impacts of childhood emotional neglect include low self-esteem and self-worth, difficulty with emotions, relationship problems, emotional numbness or emptiness, and anxiety and depression.

How Can Childhood Emotional Neglect Interfere with Your Relationship with God

The Example of Your Earthly Father

Sometimes, our earthly fathers can interfere with what we imagine our heavenly Father to be like. When our fathers are neglectful or abusive, it can be hard to imagine God the Father as a loving God that cares for us. We can get caught up in what our earthly fathers were like and have a hard time imagining love like the kind of love our Godly father has for us.

Faith Becomes Performance-Based

Often, people who experienced emotional neglect in childhood end up looking at their faith through a performance view. This can interfere with their ability to develop an intimate relationship with God because they are so focused on following the rules they think they should rather than focusing that their heart is connected with God and filled with the Holy Spirit. This may involve scripture reading, service acts, and other things that you are doing because you are supposed to rather than it being spirit-driven. It involves feeling like you have to check a bunch of boxes to be worthy.

Have a Hard Time Accepting God’s Love and Grace

As childhood emotional neglect often leaves you with a feeling or belief that you’re not good enough or somehow unworthy, it can be difficult to connect with God’s love and grace. You may feel that you are undeserving and have a hard time accepting His love and grace.

Has a Barrier Preventing Them from Experiencing God’s Love

The lack of nurturing in childhood can make the love, care and comfort we get from God to being something foreign and difficult to accept. There are beliefs that act as a barrier to experiencing God’s love, such as disbelief that someone could love you like that, that you’ll never be good enough, and there’s something wrong with you, and you don’t deserve to be loved.

Some Strategies to Heal from Your Childhood Emotional Neglect and Draw Closer to God

Prayer Focusing on Asking for God’s Help

Praying for that closer relationship with God and searching Him out. Ask for God’s help to help you achieve it. Pour out your heart and struggles to Him, open to Him. He wants to hear you hurts and struggles. It may be a struggle at first because it’s hard for you to believe that someone could care for you like that. However, His love is like that, and He cares for you more deeply than you could ever know.

Devotionals or Bible Reading Focused on the Goodness of God

Devotionals that are focused on things like being able to trust in Him, His purpose in our lives, and the hope we have in Him. Focusing on His goodness and faithfulness to us can help improve the closeness we feel with Him. Sometimes, hearing the same or similar messages over and over again can help you learn to accept the promises He has for you.

Meditating on God’s Promises and Word

Finding God’s promises and versus in the Bible and meditate on them. You might notice what comes up when you say/read the words, what speaks to you about the words and what they may mean to your life, or what message the Holy Spirit wants you to take from the words. This can help the words become more personal to you and allows you to take them in in a much deeper way.

Listening to Praise Music that Connects You Emotionally to God’s Grace

We want to get used to the connection and how that makes us feel. Sometimes how we feel when listening to certain praise and worship songs is the best way to access those feelings. Listen and notice how you feel in your body, focus on the words, and the feelings you experience. Little by little, you are exposing and welcoming in what you feel when you are connected with God.

Strategies to Improve your Self-Worth

Improving your view of yourself can help with some of the barriers to your relationship with God. Some strategies to use are positive affirmations, value inventories, and Check the Facts (DBT skill).

Conclusion

Childhood emotional neglect can make it harder to feel connected to God and His love and grace. There are things you can do to draw closer to Him, and experience some of the many gifts He has for you.