Tag: EMDR

How Much Trust Do I Need to Find Success in Therapy?

Please realize you do not need to completely trust your therapist to find healing.


Often people have had a lot of damage in the past due to trauma or past betrayal and you have learned that people cannot be trusted. Do not feel that you cannot do therapy. The amount of trust you need is the amount that it takes to do the work. It is absolutely fine to hold parts of yourself back until the relationship you have with your therapist develops. If at the beginning all you feel comfortable with is the intake, discussion of goals and learning skills, that is fine. The trust can be built as the therapist shows his/her care for you and the relationship develops.


For some people the idea of an expectation of trust in the therapist is insane. If authority figures in your life have proven over and over again that they can’t be trusted, it is normal to not trust the therapist initially. Why on earth would you trust a person you never met, when the people that you should have been able to trust either betrayed you, proved unreliable or neglected you? In those situations, I recommend being honest with your therapist that you have trouble trusting and mentioning the direction that you feel okay going in (for example: focusing on skills, psychoeducation, focusing on a current situation at work, etc.).


At the end of the day, a client needs to be able to work with the therapist. Adjustments can be made for the wounds of the past. That is part of respecting the client and accepting where the client is. It is always okay, in fact, it is important, to tell your therapist that you don’t want to go to a certain place, do something, or deal with a certain part of your past.
Even for trauma processing, you do not need to reveal details about past trauma. With EMDR, these are the things we need to do processing (beyond some of the prep work to make sure you have the resources to deal with trauma flare-ups):

  • Current symptom, frustration, or limitation and the longing/missing need associated with that
  • Recent times when that longing/missing need wasn’t fulfilled
  • What the worst part of it is?
  • Be able to rate it on a scale of 0-10
  • A negative cognition (“I am”) statement
  • Past memories of something similar (only mention event “like a book title” and age)
  • Worst part of the memory
  • A positive cognition of what you would prefer to believe (“I am” statement)
  • What emotion you are feeling?
  • Identification of the location of a body sensation

Trust can be an important part of a relationship but when it comes to a relationship between a client and their therapist. There only needs to be enough trust to do the work. That trust may be in the techniques the person uses or that their experience and expertise may enable them to help you. A therapist can work with trust issues if you still can feel like you can do the work.

What is EMDR?

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy was developed by Francine Shapiro and is a body-mind integrated therapy that has been proven to be highly effective for people who have experienced trauma. It was founded on the basis that trauma interferes with the brain’s processing and that during trauma, our brain processes and stores memories incorrectly. This incorrect storage makes it so that past events seem to be in the present. These memories can be triggered by emotions, negative cognitions, and physical sensations.

EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (eye movements, tones, or taps) to access memory networks in order to move them from a place of emotional activation to a more rational, logical place.

EMDR is an effective, evidence-based form of treatment for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and is recognized for its effectiveness by the American Psychiatric Association, the Department of Defense and Department of Veterans Affairs (US), and the World Health Organization. With EMDR, it is not necessary to discuss the details of a traumatic experience.

EMDR can be used for more than just PTSD, it can be used for:

  • Anxiety
  • Panic attacks and phobias
  • Depression
  • Chronic Pain
  • Substance Dependency
  • Various kinds of trauma (intergenerational, developmental, etc.)
  • Abuse and Assault (Physical, Emotional, and Sexual)
  • Grief and loss
  • Eating Disorders

Further Reading

EMDRIA https://www.emdria.org

EMDRIA is the international association for EMDR. It has guidelines for official trainings, reports on EMDR research, explanations of EMDR, as well as a place to look up EMDR trained therapists.

Getting Past Your Past – Francine Shapiro

This is a great book for people who aren’t mental health professionals. It has good explanations about trauma, EMDR, and techniques to use for trauma.